Money problems can destroy relationships faster than almost anything else. Here are the financial red flags to watch for before you combine finances or make major commitments together.
They avoid money conversations entirely
If someone consistently changes the subject, gets uncomfortable, or refuses to discuss finances at all, that’s a red flag. Adults in serious relationships should be able to talk about money without extreme discomfort.
Too much secrecy about income or spending
While everyone deserves some privacy, extreme secrecy about basic financial information suggests problems. You don’t need to see every bank statement, but knowing approximate income and major financial obligations is normal in serious relationships.
Impulsive spending on big purchases
Watch how they handle larger financial decisions. Do they research major purchases, or do they buy expensive items impulsively? Someone who drops $2,000 on a vacation without discussion might handle shared finances the same way.
No emergency fund despite stable income
If someone has been employed steadily for years but has no emergency savings, ask why. It might indicate poor financial habits, excessive spending, or undisclosed financial obligations.
Frequent money emergencies
Everyone faces unexpected expenses, but if your partner regularly has financial crises—can’t make rent, car gets repossessed, utilities shut off—there might be deeper money management issues.
Significant undisclosed debt
Major debts (student loans, credit cards, car loans) should come up naturally in conversations about the future. Hiding significant debt suggests either shame about money management or intentional deception.
Different money values without compromise
It’s fine to have different approaches to money, but concerning if they can’t understand or respect your perspective. If you value saving and they think you’re “cheap,” or if they value experiences and you think they’re “wasteful,” you need to find middle ground.
Financial dependence without good reason
Adults should generally be financially independent unless there’s a specific reason (disability, caring for children, pursuing education). Someone who can’t or won’t support themselves might expect you to fill that role.
Bad credit due to irresponsibility
Poor credit because of medical debt or job loss is different from poor credit due to missed payments and overspending. Ask about credit history and the reasons behind it.
Pressure to combine finances quickly
Wanting to share expenses or open joint accounts very early in a relationship can be a red flag. This might indicate financial desperation rather than commitment.
Expensive habits they can’t afford
Regularly eating out, shopping, or entertaining beyond their means suggests they might prioritize short-term enjoyment over long-term financial stability.
Borrowing money frequently
If they often ask to borrow money from friends, family, or you—especially early in the relationship—it suggests poor financial planning or living beyond their means.
No financial goals or planning
While not everyone needs detailed financial plans, adults should have some sense of their financial goals and how they plan to achieve them. Complete lack of financial direction can be problematic.
How to address red flags:
- Have direct conversations about concerning behaviors
- Suggest working together on financial planning
- Consider couples financial counseling if you’re serious about the relationship
- Don’t ignore red flags hoping they’ll change
- Protect your own financial stability while being supportive
Remember: people can change financial habits with effort and commitment, but you shouldn’t enter a relationship expecting someone to completely transform their money management. Make decisions based on current reality, not potential changes.
